Neptune can kiss my ass

Yes comrades, it has happened.

We have crossed the Equator line, without proper visas and permission, so those of us transgressing Pollywogs out on the open seas for the first time were summoned to Neptune's Court. The charges brought against me - apart from lacking the proper documentation - were stealing the souls of my fellow crewmates and being Czech. The punishment handed down by Neptune and his wife was a visit to the imaginary torture chamber, and being hosed down with seawater. After that, I duly received my certificate and am now officially a shellback named 'Happy Snapper' and I also have Neptune's consent to cross the Equator by sea in future. Result!

The whole episode was an afternoon of good-natured, theatrical fun considering that us 13 Pollywogs had given the shellbacks hell during the week before the hearing. We stole Neptune's costume, hosted our own lavish 'last supper' and left only the crumbs for the shellbacks to eat. Some clever mind opened a group on Facebook called 'Neptune kiss my ass', then staged a bogus vote on who from the crew should become Neptune, finally we all wore custom-made attire with the above slogan on our backs, and smeared ourselves with Nutella as warpaint in court. Given our conduct, I am still surprised that Mr & Mrs Neptune and his minions did not hand out more severe punishments as the laws of the seas are generally harsh. We had a good party afterwards, only a rotten hangover and a few dead braincells are the damage I sustained during my encounter with the god of the sea.

Despite the fun, the last few weeks have been quite rough. After announcing our presence off the south coast of Japan, we missed the Japanese whalers leaving port at night in stormy weather. We were all disappointed and gutted, as it meant that we would now spend the whole journey down south not on the tail of the Japanese, but on our own, wondering what course they took. To add insult to injury, a large Japan Coast Guard ship followed us for a week, no doubt relaying our position to make sure that we don't get anywhere near the whalers. So instead of us watching them, they ended up watching us - very smart, you have to give it to them, but worrying to what lengths the Japanese government is prepared to go to protect their controversial 'lethal research'. It is impossible to put into words how frustrating this has been, as for the time being it puts all hopes of a successful campaign on hold.

Next on the agenda was a Tropical storm that got upgraded to Typhoon strength by the weather stations. We were inside the Typhoon zone for the best part of a week, riding on 6 to 8-metre waves, the ship rolling and pitching a lot and making any decent sleep impossible. Add two 4-hour watches to the mix, and you had me metamorphosing into a perfect vegetable. Apart from those 8 hours during which I had to be awake and alert, it was pretty impossible to do anything that required concentration. On top of that, imagine the hot temperatures and high humidity in the tropics and you do not have a ship, but a sauna that's constantly moving. Pretty tiring, I can assure you... Most of the crew did not fare much better, but the upshot is that none of us was seasick, and that is good news, after all.

Now we are south of the Equator, and slowly making our way to Auckland, New Zealand for a refuelling and repair stop. We should be there by next weekend, hopefully. The clocks on board are moving forward every two days as we move through the timezones. With the odd engine stop for maintenance and a swim, I have taken the opportunity to learn using an underwater camera. It is great fun and quite difficult, but as a consequence I have become very popular with my fellow swimmers who all want a picture of themselves under water... I will attach a few to give you the general idea.

We have close to a week ahead of us at sea before we reach Auckland, but I actually can't say whether I look forward to that or not. I am making plans to rent a motorbike and go touring around the north island for a day or two, but I am not sure if I want to leave the ship for any amount of time now. Life on board has become pleasant as I am off watchkeeping duties and can now concentrate on what I came here to do: photography. Last night I relaxed lying on the heli deck with a few crewmates and some cold beers, watching the star-filled sky, lightning and dozens of little meteors shooting past and burning up in the atmosphere. It was a warm, calm night and perfect for falling asleep to the gentle roll of the ship while suspended in the safety-nets.

That's where I'll leave you, feeling guilty writing these lines and knowing that most of you are in the middle of a grey, cold and wet winter Sunday.